The Mining Menace of Eve Online

Miners are a heavily abused and often harassed species of Eve player.

 Despite them being essential for building virtually everything we use, we have no mercy when it comes to eradicating them from nearby star systems. There is really is nothing in the game that provides such cathartic release and joy as ganking an unsuspecting Hulk pilot. And even if they are suspecting, there is very little they can do in their slow, unarmed ships. But by far the most valuable commodity that we harvest from these hapless workers, more valuable than their ore or occasionally costly modules, are their tears. The tears of Eve miners are the champagne of pirates throughout the universe of New Eden.

My good friend, Assassin126, was recently treated to this most delectable of mails from a pilot that had been recently divested of his Coveter:

Re: Suicide Gank Protection
From: Persephanie Endashi
To: Assassin126, 


Such a mail is usually indicative of a highly successful gank, and obtaining one like this usually requires a degree of luck and a familiarity of the art of trolling in local.

Another miner, managed to not only lose his Hulk but got podded as well, bringing the bill for his losses to a few isk short of 1.5 billion. The Hulk, was, even as Hulks go, very badly fit, and I couldn't resist issuing him an invite to join Almost Epic and abandon mining for the glory of the Minmatar Militia. I got this back:

Re: We cordially invite you to be a venerable member of Almost Epic
From: Dwaggy90
To: Edna Ironsides, 

1.5 billion is a slight overgo,. and as for "shitty fit" im sorry. but in high sec im not exactly expecting people to come out of nowhere to blow the hell out of me and then pod me for giggles and then attempt to ask me to their own corps... i find this hillarious if this is how you try to find new corp members..blow the crap out of them then go "that was a shitty fit. come to us and we'll show you better" :D
Why in any reason would i be intrested after that exatly?
And i was in a hulk for a reason..oh yeah. mining.. :D not setting up ellaborate anti pirate traps sadly. :D im a miner..so..you extend an invitation to a war and pirating faction...Cause that also makes sence. really..

His mastery of English required a little work. I totalled up the cost of this losses and came up with 1,476,000,000.00, so I thought the over-go comment was a bit of a red herring. Sadly, he was unpersuaded by my sell of faction warfare and a life of piracy. But yes, blowing the hell out and giggles are indeed desired occupational goals.

However, one of our most recent ganks was political. The aforementioned Assassin had, earlier today, had an argument with a pilot in a mining channel and had a political standoff, as this pilot, somewhat appropriately named Texas Oilman, has rather right-wing political convictions that he felt were best placed on the bio of his in-game profile. So, when, many hours later, we scanned a wormhole down in Huola, we were surprised that not only did it lead to Amarr High-Sec, but lo', Texas was industriously chewing rocks in his Hulk, in one of the local belts, his Orca alt idly shadowing him. Not to pass up an opportunity for political justice, we gathered together a posse of Thrashers and charged the Hulk, shouting "For Obama and the Left!" in local as we dropped onto him. As the rubble of his Hulk dispersed, and CONCORD came and obligingly obliterated our Thrashers (which we had bought using loot from previous ganks), we convo'd Texas:

Texas Oilman > greetings
Edna Ironsides > hello
Fateamendabletochange >  you big right wing bender
Fateamendabletochange > ha now whos laughing
Fateamendabletochange > http://minmatar.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=13081443
Edna Ironsides > this was a friendly visit from your local socialists
Texas Oilman > lol, get fucked liberal.  go drive ur broken down car with the obama biden sticker on it
Assassin126 > i think you hulk is a bit broken down
Texas Oilman > true.
Edna Ironsides > built by capitalists too
Texas Oilman > how much those ships cost ya?  without insurance?
Fateamendabletochange > about 1.5 mil each
Assassin126 > about 30 isk? nothing to us
Texas Oilman > nice
Texas Oilman > them hulks r getting close to 300.  not damn bad.  now i just need to figure how to survive that next time, lol
Fateamendabletochange > change ur bio
Texas Oilman > LOL
Texas Oilman > too late for that
Edna Ironsides > mine in a battleship
Degnar Oskold > pretty much. No way to take a hulk to resist 5 destroyers
Texas Oilman > yeah
Texas Oilman > anyways, its about bed time for me.  my capitalist ass gots work tonight.  someone has to pay ur guy's welfare.  lol.  good kill...

Needless to say, I will sleep like a baby tonight, having successfully defended Eve from the mining, and right-wing, menace that haunts asteroid belts everywhere. Hopefully this pilot does too, a wiser, slightly poorer, capitalist miner. Nothing, I think, is more satisfying.

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